20 Aug My femme is not for you
In the wake of the previous post on femininity and rope Honey Bare, another fantablous femme published this post on FL and I asked if it was possible to publish it here as well. And it was! Thank you Honey Bare.
recently i was talking with a friend about how i used to rig in lingerie and heels. she asked me if i switched to other clothing (mostly dresses) because the lingerie was uncomfortable and i told her, no, it just got me a lot of unwelcome attention.
usually this meant that after public scenes or on photos people would simply comment that i was “hot” and not seem to really absorb anything else about me, be it my skill with rope or the connection i fostered with my partner.
stupid, right? ugh. this is objectification 101.
but really, that’s still what happens all the time even when i tie fully clothed, and i think maybe it happens so much because i typically present as femme.
what person in their right mind would go up to a serious male rigger they’d never met and tell him “you looked super hot while tying that girl”? no. shakes head
you might compliment the skill of the rigger, the strength of the bottom or the aesthetic of the tie. you might be impressed by his flow or technique. you probably wouldn’t say “i really want to get into those nawashi pants of yours” as your opening line, especially if you ever wanted this guy to take you or your kink seriously.
sure, i like it when people think i’m hot, and if you’re actually interested in getting into my nawashi pants then let’s have a real conversation. but please remember that my femme is not for you.
i honestly used to wear lingerie because i move a lot when i tie and it was light and more comfortable. sometimes i still wear just panties and heels if i’m in a comfortable place among friends. i wear makeup and jewellery and short dresses because i want the people i’m tying or spending time with to feel that femme energy from me. it’s part of what makes me feel powerful and sexy. i like the feel of their sweat and my sweat on the rope.
it’s not because i want you, anonymous spectator, to feel more comfortable about my gender or sexuality, especially how it relates to the person i’m tying. it’s not because my favorite way to dress needs to jive with the preferences of the mainstream media. it’s definitely not a reenactment of your favorite Playboy fantasies, made special for you.
you are more than welcome to watch when i am tying in public but please remember that i am a person, and i am a rigger, and i have worked really really hard to do what i do and to do it safely and beautifully. there is more to this than what i am wearing. this is the culmination of hours and hours of my sweat, blood and tears. i am not just a piece of eyemeat.
i am femme for myself and for my partners, not for you.